How to Officiate a Wedding & Not Throw Up While Doing It
Most milestone anniversaries are special to only a limited number of individuals who have a shared interest in the memory. Birthdays are celebrated by the ever-so-lucky one who gains another year in life, their parents, (possibly) siblings, spouse and/or a fanatic coworker who celebrates ALL STAFF BIRTHDAYS for an excuse to buy a cake and vice versa.
To be completely transparent, I can barely remember 3+ of my best friends birthdays let alone their wedding anniversary dates, despite being in eleven of them (three of which were MOH moments) so you won’t hurt my feelings if you forget my birthday or wedding date. However, there is one wedding date aside from my own that I will forever remember: my dearest friends, Jordan and Halie.
I first met Jordan in the frozen food section at a local Winn-Dixie. Classic case of two weirdos trying to dodge playing ‘Wing Man’ and opting for an eventful Saturday night at home discovering more about this whole “The Facebook” craze everyone had been chatting about.
Fast forward 10 years and we’re still big ole’ weirdos only with grown up jobs and real relationships.
I’ve witnessed some pretty awkward Jordan:female encounters in the previous decade so naturally when I discovered they had crushes on each other I was ecstatic. I was that wide-eyed, trying to play it cool, silently clapping cheerleader in the corner watching the relationship happen. Think Stefon from SNL and how he would respond to a Halie/Jordan mashup.
Why so excited? Because Halie is by far the coolest, funniest, most authentically spirited weirdo that perfectly matched my frozen food friend.
Clearly, I was the obvious choice to officiate their wedding. So they asked and I Stefon’ed my way through the phone conversation and immediately began the process of googling where in the heck to start.
The process to become ordained was really easy and only took a matter of minutes on the web. However, I approached this thing very seriously and began poaching clips from YouTube videos while ugly crying at 3am in preparation for weeks on end. I bought a new dress, a fancy pen for the legal mumbo jumbo, new shoes, fresh highlights plus so much more because I totally made it all about me. What can I say, I was super nervous and ALL of our friends were going to be there with their parents witnessing a moment that I just HAD to make beautiful.
[Cue the theatrics]
I don’t remember much of the hours leading up to it because I was drinking poolside at the hotel with our buddies trying to brush off taunting comments like, “Don’t screw it up, Beth.” I exaggerate. In all actuality, our friends were extremely supportive and approached my performance with confidence. Still all about me at this point.
As I mentioned earlier, I’ve stood in my fair share of weddings but this was the first time I’ve ever been in charge of one. Thinking about the anxiety I had still makes me want to throw up but from the instant Jordan and I walked out there and the flood of his projected emotions as he watched Halie make her entrance was more than worth it. It became that cliched “You’ll forget the audience is there” experience. I was a welcomed intruder in one of their most intimate moments. I said it during their ceremony and the words still remain true: It was one of my biggest honors to date.
With that being said, I will never do it again. That throw up feeling quickly returns. I seriously need to stop making it about me but what are blogs for? Here are a few pictures to complete this experience for you readers out there:
Happiest of anniversaries to Jordan and Halie!